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Behold: Helpful Guidance for Michele Bachmann Straight From God's Lips, If She Has Them


#1

Behold: Helpful Guidance for Michele Bachmann Straight From God's Lips, If She Has Them

Because of course, Minnesota wingnut, Trump evangelical "advisor" and screechy enemy of Obamacare Michele Bachmann recently said she was looking for a sign from her besty God before deciding if she was "being called" to run for Al Franken's vacant Senate seat. And praise be: The Good Lord Above just mercifully answered her by putting up a new billboard in downtown St. Paul. "NO," it says. Goddamn, we wish we could have our own boundless questions about life answered so surely and succinctly.


#2

Diiiinnnnneeeeeyyyyy Laaayyaaannnnndddd.

(translation: a mocking chorus of young people calling out ‘disney land’ - a chorus not infrequently heard in south america at the turn of this century when encountering americans [vacat(ion)ing] with their thumbs in places where the sun doesn’t shine mirror-posture the arrogant privilege claimed by the very same bad actors who exploit them and lengthen the leash so that they piss in the colonization foci of tourism for colonizer profit)

time to update Greek Choruses!!!

I kid you not!


#3

Oh God please send a gooder candidate to congresss


#4

Oh how I wish I were crazy. I’d get air time for my crack-pot idea’s. I’d get free money from people crazy just like me and I’d have message’s from the Big Guy up-stairs about how I am to lead the peeeeeeple’s over the cliff so they too could see the truth and the light. Sadly though, I’m just a regular Joe, hangin’ out watching the Planet burn.


#5

Unfortunately, the abomination that is Bachmann failed to destroy Romney/ObamaCare at its birth, setting back the fight for Single Payer by decades, if not generations. Apparently her god is even more evil (and weak) than she thinks (that’s a figure of speech of course - clearly she doesn’t/can’t).


#6

i’d like to know which God in the “Old Testament” is her sponsor! Had she read Jack Miles’s book, God: A Biography, she would know that there are 24 different concepts of God in the OT–to say nothing of the one in the New Testament: “God is love”!


#7

I wonder if now would be a good time to open my First Bank of Heaven.
Where one can access their money thru my many ATMs conveniently located throughout the Kingdom of God.
No fees
20% interest on account balances for…infinity
Overdraft forgiveness


#8

Overdraft forgiveness? Unheard of and 20% interest. I’ll be good from now on. :-)))


#9

It’s Getting Better !!! Love this !!!

One request though, if you have any friends or enemies that are praying for Rapture to clean up things around here, let them know we support their efforts, in fact…

Please, Please, Request that they don’t wait for their Rapture moment, Have them Leave Early.

And Please if they can Leave Early and in a Group Rapture, it will be Better for the Rest of Us Left Here, Cleaning up their Mess.

So remember…let them know…

If You are Waiting for Rapture, Don’t Wait, Please Leave Early.


#10

Yeh, like Al Frankin.