I couldn’t read the pain.
There may be those out there thinking along similar lines. Please keep this in mind.
You cannot commit suicide. Life is not a possession. Life is not something you own to be discarded at will. No. Life possesses you. It owns you. It is up to life to say when you can stop teaching and caring for others. You have no say in the matter. It is up to life to say when your job here is finished.
A grown man, a neuroscientist (as in brain expert) no less, in a happy marriage I assume, a father of two children decides to check out… leaving his wife to deal with the continuing grief of losing their eldest daughter AND raising the two children they had subsequent to their tragedy makes me want to scream…
A close family member- my brother, committed suicide and left his spouse to pick up the pieces and raise my nieces and nephew all under 6. She ended up with a full breakdown from grief stress and exhaustion and the three kids and my sister in law ended up living with us for almost a year afterwards as she lost the house (my brother was the breadwinner). The kids have never gotten over any of it and both girls have stated since that time( 25 yrs ago) that they have no intention to ever get into a relationship let alone marry or have children. They have all been in therapy since the death of their dad.
My brother whom I used to love dearly RUINED their lives. I will NEVER EVER forgive him. He was proven to be a lazy selfish coward by his act of self absorption.
That’s how I feel about this shmuck as well. My heart absolutely bleeds for his wife and children and I hope they can forget this cretin ever lived. . My sister in law, who was the sweetest kindest most loving woman i knew did a great job of raising her three kids afterward but she was a shell of what she was from the guilt( unwarranted) , financial stress, job stress, and worry about the kids…
Therapy with a great person actually brought her back to her wonderful self when he told her it was right and proper if she felt betrayed by her husband and angry at him and expressed that. I feel lucky she lived and lives close to us and we are very close to our nieces and nephew.
I wish I wasn’t an atheist because would love to legitimately hope my brother and this schmuck were burning in hell for the cascading horror their easy way out has caused for the people they supposedly ‘loved’.
Imagine his Sandy Hook father’s two living kids will always feel knowing daddy dearest loved their dead sister more… yes yes … years of bad therapy will tell them that is irrational but we all know it isn’t.
Just putting this out there because we coddle these cowards and focus on their ‘pain’ and not on the horrific and ongoing damage they do to innocents and it’s just frigging wrong.
I will not respond or acknowledge any nasty comments on my personal opinion or experience regarding this. …
To both Ditton and merf:
I appreciate how you feel, and merf, I most definitely feel for you and your pain–(I’ve been where you are)–, but unless you have experienced it first hand, no one can know the black abyss one feels s/he has fallen into and the thoroughly desperate, helpless pain that one feels only death can relieve. I grieve for this man’s family; their lives are irrevocably changed, but so was his, so much so that he could no longer live with his anguish. It’s a shame that he felt there was no other recourse, and that his family must go on with renewed anguish. While we might feel anger for the trauma that has been caused by these suicides, keep in mind all of that could have been prevented. New Zealand has one mass shooting, and their response is, “Right! That’s it! No more!” and legislate gun laws to prevent further massacres from happening. Here, we experience enormous grief, (ours), and much hollow hand-wringing, “thoughts and prayers”–(Which should be trademarked as often as it’s used. Thanks GOP & NRA). Our anger needs to be directed toward those who refuse to ease our anguish and only contribute to it.
Are the American people responsible in any way for the madness we are seeing (normalized), or is it only the politicians (and lobbyists)?
I don’t like mentioning this because of the sorrow being expressed here. That said, can we recognize that as we appreciate the mental traumas in these encounters ptsd, depression, and grief, the killer has likely got or had mental issues of a similar nature.
Also, the article at one point said 7,000 people were killed by guns since this last suicide I think, but in reality they were killed by people not guns.
It’s a little like drunk people are not so bad, until they get behind the wheel of a car. Then people die.
I am sorry…the great help I ever got was from a book by the Dalai Lama titled “Destructive Emotions”. Please find a copy, read it and share it with others. It does help.
I have severe and chronic or complex PTSD from an incident that happen when I was 9. As I mentioned to merf below, the greatest help I have gotten was from the book “Destructive Emotions” by the Dalai Lama. I have been living with the question my whole life. If you read the book emotions like anger are poison to your mind and your body. It is my hope you read the book and share it with others. It literally saved my life.
Yes; People pull, (or squeeze if that’s your preference), triggers and that’s how people die. I get that, but you can’t equivocate drunk driving with shootings. A driver’s license can be revoked, the car impounded, and even after serving jail time, the driver will find it difficult to buy another car. There seems to be no problem with people buying guns. We can discuss mental illness and guns, but a year ago, the then Republican controlled Congress, and the current president signed a bill into law that allows people with mental illnesses to purchase guns as it was deemed “their Constitutional right”. I’m sorry, but the nearly unlimited access to guns *is the problem. No one is trying to “round up all the guns” as so many say, but there is nothing wrong with common sense, reasonable laws to limit that access. Just as one does not have a 1st Amendment right to shout “Fire,” in a crowded theatre when there isn’t one, one does not have a an absolute right own a gun. (The first part of the 2nd Amendment says as much).
It is also time to point out that there is no such thing as closure. That is a myth. The sadness and void never never never dies. It is, forever intense and mentally and emotionally destructive. It is simply a placebo for society and onlookers. Each tragic event simply amplifies the emotion and prayer doesn’t help. Please avoid. that damned phrases: “God has a plan”.
Thanks for the recommendation. I’m currently reading “Anger” by Thich Nhat Hahn., I’m trying to find better, more creative uses for mine.
It must be realized that a person who suffers from depression is experiencing an affliction of the mind. The very organ tasked with monitoring an individual’s health is malfunctioning. If a person dies of a heart attack, or dies from diabetes, or cancer, we don’t get angry at them for dying. We don’t accuse them of being selfish, or cowardly. Quite the opposite. Those who fight cancer are often seen as brave - and they are. So why is an affliction of the mind seen differently? That’s sort of a rhetorical question. Those with healthy brain activity project on to the person suffering from depression courses of action that seem reasonable to their healthy mind. When people with healthy minds learn of someone dying from depression, there are all sorts of reactions, most of which are also projections in an attempt to understand. But all that needs to be understood is that such a death is really a death like any other organ failure. These people who lose their lives to depression are not their disease. They are not their depression - that isn’t who they are. As someone who deals with chronic depression EVERY day, I can tell you the chemicals in our mind, the mind of depressed people, subvert our existence and our true selves. The difficulty in dealing with depression lies in the fact that the very organ responsible for monitoring health is itself unhealthy. Society can help by ending this romantic notion that we’re all ‘fighting demons’ or that the ‘pain of this world is too great’. This romantic idea of suicide is bullshit. These are only triggers for the negative cascade of chemicals which can spiral out of control.
Your welcome. It truly is a toxic thing. It changes blood chemistries and well, just everything. You should take pride in the work your doing, it is hard and few try. What is odd is the root of things, like hate is fear. What is the root of anger? There is your key :-))) Peace Bro.
So instead of compassion, look at all the judgmental rage, contemptuousness and hateful condemnation in the above comments. This article was about a father’s intimate, profound, excruciating, never-ending pain, so vast that he could no longer bear it. Ponder this. Really sit with it. This is not a “romantic” idea (really? how does “romance” fit in here?). No one, no one except him, truly comprehends the overwhelming darkness of his grief. He may have “past” lives in which he suffered trauma in some way, and is working through those issues. You have no idea what his life is about. He may well not be conscious of any of those other life situations either. No one else, not even his wife and children, has the right to judge, criticize, or demean this person. You cannot feel exactly what he was feeling, the desperation, the clouded thinking. I’ve had my own dark nights of the soul in grief, horrifying and frightening and all-consuming. Yet it seems so easy, and is cruel, to criticize those in pain and confusion, as one sits on the sidelines watching. It is paramount to find your well of compassion, sensitivity, love of others. Yes, those left behind are suffering greatly as well. They have their own souls and their own choices to be made. They all chose to be together in this life with their own lessons for their souls to learn. It is not our place to judge and second-guess. It doesn’t help this man’s survivors for others to be angry at their loved one. Nor does it help your own soul to sit in judgment of others. What would actually help them, and the man who took his life, is to send them truly kind, loving energy.
Answer: All of the above, including our culture, which glorifies violence and militaristic solutions to every problem, almost reflexively.
Welcome. Your first post is thoughtful and gives us much to ponder. Please continue sharing your experience and beliefs.
Only a dumb shit loser would think these killings were fake. Dumb shit right wing scum.
Thank you for your well written and compassionate post.
what kind of VICTIM BLAMING BS are you spewing? no doubt, your RELIGION tells you to spread such crap–but, as they say YOU’RE NOT HELPING—YOU’RE HURTING PEOPLE. So go parrot your nonsense on some “holy bible” site but, NOT here (NOT capitalizing “bible” ON PURPOSE).
Your sister-in-law & her children obviously deserved compassion & support. So did your BROTHER (who was MORE than just a “breadwinner” by the way). Sounds like a LACK OF COMPASSION for those who’s DEPRESSION cascades them down into SUICIDE—which does NOT help anyone who’s grappling with such deep DESPAIR to get the help they need to NOT take their own life.