In a sit-down interview with John Oliver, host of HBO's comedy news show Last Week Tonight, that aired on Sunday, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden said that people should not curb their online habits just because the U.S. government is conducting mass surveillance across the internet.
This could only mean one thing:
Your dick is a threat to national security and must be watched at all times! Where is your dick? What is your dick doing? Does it match the government’s Dick Recognition Software? If not, you might be a terrorist!
Oh shit, your dick looks different than the one you pulled out in the men’s room! We better assign a private Dick to this case ASAP!
In a good number of Men’s restrooms in the US, there now exists a monitoring device installed on the urinals. Officially, these monitors are there to control the automatic flushing. However, in light of the revelation of this NSA “Dick Pics” program, these devices are most likely biometric sensors to recognize the biometrics of terrorists who might be traveling in the US.
Thanks to the revelation by Edward Snowden, terrorists now know never to use the bathroom in the United States. They will just have to hold it…
“If you sacrifice your values because you’re afraid,” Snowden said, “you don’t care about those values very much.”
Understatement of the decade?
That must be why the Urinal Evil-Eye never works for me.
I must be on the government’s “No-Flush List!”
Some men are Dicks, but possession in itself a “dick” does not make, though some Dicks are both. The both category includes Dick Nixon, Dick Cheney, and King Dick III, Here’s a pic of my favorite dick.:
I keep hoping for a Snowden at Monsanto or Dow.
I’ll bet that they’ve ramped up their internal security to SS level to prevent one from coming out.