On #MeToo and what comes next.
LOVE, not sex.
I too am a “Manhater” and I am a man.
Since the 70’s, I have sat with several women who trusted me enough to share with me their stories of the horror they were subjected to by these “monsters” who call themselves, men.
I believe that my first marriage fell apart after us being together for 12 years, because she couldn’t deal with her past which included abuse, harassment, and the rape that she repressed and was never able to fully bring out into the open.
These monster’s actions affect many other’s lives other than their female victims.
I am not sure that jail alone is punishment enough for these crimes.
I weep for the women whose lives have been irreparably torn apart by these monsters.
I rejoice for those who have found the strength to expose their attackers.
I pray for those who are still too afraid to tell their stories, that they may one day be free of their torment.
Thank you, Ann Jones.
What could be more despicable than this: that for more than four decades, while he and his kind were allowed to practice undeterred, he only got better at his game of assaulting women.
And for more than four decades, he was despised by those women he assaulted and those who knew about it.
There are some things that bother me with this whole scenario. First, our society and culture have been misogynistic since(before) medieval times, and women have been actively complicit in this social construction, as it has aligned with their religious frameworks (how many have quoted Paul to me!?!?) Second, there are lots of women out there still “defending their man” no matter how creepy. Third, even a glance at a magazine stand shows that women are actively participating in their own oppression by feeding into this crass commercialization of their bodies and looks. This isn’t just about men. it’s about US as a society. Yes, push back when assaulted, demeaned, insulted, abused, used etc. But let’s be completely honest and confront the bigger problem, which is that we’re basically a hypocritical sick society with a lot of serious issues we refuse to seriously address because we like to do the 'wild reaction" thing to this type of issue, then when it’s no longer “sexy” it’s forgotten and we’re back to business as usual, exploiting our youth, ripping each other off, trying to make a buck any which way, playing power games (again-for money) etc.
I cannot totally disagree with your comment. What is the core of our behavior as a culture? It is Patriarchy and Judeo-Christian religion. The Catholic church (Rome) tried to wipe out Paganism which included the worship of many feminine deities. In order to keep the lid on Paganism, the warrior gods took over and succeeded in stamping out and keeping down any female upstarts that attempted to proclaim divinity. So yes, women colluded to a degree, with men who exhibited the powerful warrior archetype. Did they actually like it? Probably not, but woe to any woman who went against her religion or her man. Ever heard of the witch trials?
Yes…I too have been aghast at how any woman could allow herself to be exploited through porn, nude photographs, stripping, having sex for money, being commercialized, etc., but perhaps some do it as a sort of reverse exploitation of men. After all, why not make money off of the dumb, panting males. But then, some do it by force, and others because they are traumatized and victimized to the point of mindlessness.
So, your comment is kind of accurate, but what is your motive for writing it? Is it just another way to “blame” women for them being abused? You forget. The culture is Patriarchal. Everything hinges on obedience to that precept and construct. We all adapt, and women have been trying for centuries to just LIVE. Half of the heart of God has been ripped and decimated–the Feminine half. It’s time to remedy that. If we are to heal, to be whole, to be transformed into a higher being, we must come to terms with our misogynistic ideas of God and other. Men are harmed as much as women by this insane Patriarchy. It’s time to live like Divine beings instead of like cavemen.
Thank you Ann Jones, for this article. I could write a book about how often in my 70 years of life I have been assaulted, humiliated, harassed, raped, compromised, etc., by men.
When I was young, I was pretty, petite, naive, and intelligent. I was blocked and put down so many times that I learned to “go quietly into the darkness.” If I didn’t, I would be dead, my children harmed, or whatever. Fear trained me to be complacent, to not report, to hardly ever comment, about all the abuse–by managers, lawyers, bosses, doctors, elders of my church, who took advantage of a naive girl, and then of a single mother of three. It became “normal” to expect that a man would go for one thing…My ability to trust men was permanently destroyed.
So, I guess: #MeToo.
Pony, you just took the words right out of my mouth! So let me just say that I agree 100% with what you have written very well, my friend!
Excellent points all, paularae!
Write on Paula!
Write that book for all of us to read.
Your readership grows by the second.
Violence is a virus. WE MUST FIND A CURE.
“So, your comment is kind of accurate, but what is your motive for writing it? Is it just another way to “blame” women for them being abused?”
As a woman and a mother of two biracial girls who have suffered incredibly at the hands of some American males, and an individual who has spent the past 22 years working with at-risk girls, including some of the most vulnerable (Native American girls), I could take offense at your snarky comment. But–nah. That would do precisely what I am speaking up against. For women to overcome the centuries of --as you pointed out–Judeo-Christian indoctrination–they are gooing to have to rise above attacking each other and realize that the only solution is to start with themselves: raise strong, independent, and clear-eyed kids with moral values, stop allowing old paradigms to dictate their lives and cultural frameworks, and refuse to participate in their own degradation. If you have spent any time working with teenagers, you know that we as a nation are in deep trouble. They are a mess, but they’re salvageable.
As dangerous as a backlash
Is the back pat of cooptation
Let’s not forget that men’s almighty genitals are exterior and very, very vulnerable. Any woman who has suffered unwanted physical contact (a hug, a kiss, a touch to breasts or genital area) - otherwise known as assault - has the right to use force to defend herself from possible physical harm. A knee or a kick or, if possible, a grab and a twist, would be appropriate and, I believe, entirely legal.
Oh dear, I didn’t mean to be snarky. Sorry if you took offense. Couldn’t tell if you were male or female by your comment. After reading your comment again, I think you are saying that you are skeptical about the #MeToo movement? You think that people are “wild reacting” to the latest popular meme? I get it. Pretty much tho…we’re saying the same thing.
Any woman who has suffered unwanted physical contact (a hug, a kiss, a touch to breasts or genital area) - otherwise known as assault - has the right to use force to defend herself from possible physical harm. A knee or a kick or, if possible, a grab and a twist, would be appropriate and, I believe, entirely legal.
It takes training plus a complete restruction of thought patterns to become a warrior. I fear that you have not listened to the complete story. Women have been conditioned to accept inappropriate male aggressive behavior. First reaction is fear and afterwards more fear and shame since most of the time we are made to feel guilty. We are told that it was our fault or we are dismissed as inconsequential.
But as Ms Jones reports women are now wearing boots instead of stilettos. So for the first time since November 2016, I feel optimistic.
Jesus a warrior god?
The fact is the plumbing does not mean much. As soon as women get power, what happens? Thatcher, Clinton and Meier? distaff CEOs Are just as ruthless as monster men. Now every bad experience woman have is an example of males abusing their power? People are jerks, women are people. Hillary destroyed Libya and murdered Qaddafi because it would make her look tough. Please let’s work for a just Society for all. Can I write articles telling about all the times I have been mistreated? And get them published in the NYT? Swapping out the CEO of Dow Chemical instead of charging him with war crimes for the use of napalm, a horrible,horrible weapon of torture and death, has been the feminist answer since the War. No feminists were wrong then and now. Francis Perkins is the greatest woman in the history of this country because she enabled the New Deal. It is people not gender. In your particular case you did not need to let some nut job use your toilet, or come into your house uninvited. You could have called the police. But instead you just let the anger fester, it might have helped the jerk to get arrested too. Life is hard for everyone. Ask any women if she would rather be a man and you will see that in the end women feel it is better to be a woman than a man, especially a man without power or money who is nothing in this society. Woman are always mothers which connects them with life, a man has nothing if he is not successful. That is our culture. Why are male suicides so high and increasing in the hated white working class? When women generalize about men, they cast all men as rich and powerful. They are not. It is rich vs poor not male vs female. Don’t become a pawn in their game.
No, I actually posted a #Metoo. What I am saying is that we as 51% of the population have a lot of power to make deep structural changes, and it can’t stop at a reaction, a quick release of pent-up anger, a touch of the thumb on a smartphone keyboard. It has to be: "Okay, that felt good. Now let’s roll up our sleeves and do the hard work: refuse to participate any more in ANY social behaviors that perpetuate this sick set of paradigms. Create NEW constructs that are healthy. Do this every day, every minute. Talk about them."etc. Our drug problem perpetuates because we don’t address the deep social issues that create the problem in the first place. Racism persists because we don’t examine our thinking. That’s all. Thank you for this exchange, it’s deeply meaningful.
I have actually run that experiment with high school teenagers, pretty frequently, in my government courses. The majority of girls would rather be boys because of their freedom and perceived power, and every single boy shuddered at the thought of being a girl, for the same reasons. Both groups realized that the current constructs hamper girls and place them in a tight compartment of expectations based on their gender and appearance. That some women rise to the top by imitating those who have the power and adopt their destructive, Hobbesian thinking, just reflects the cultural norms we accept and must change. Feminism as a theoretical construct is not about imitating the more regressive, competitive, violence-based approaches historically favored by males, but about acknowledging the historical repression of women and the manner in which patriarchal constructs pervade our system and are continuously reinforced because of this infiltration at the minutest levels.