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Why Some of Us Hesitated to Say #MeToo


#1

Why Some of Us Hesitated to Say #MeToo

Sonali Kolhatkar

Millions participated in the viral campaign, but many women had their reasons for staying silent.


#2

Which was why I hesitated to post it on my page, but I finally did in a comment to a video I posted:

I’ve been harassed. I’ve been catcalled in crude and rude ways by creeps as I’ve walked down a side walk. I’ve met guys online and when we exchange what I thought would be pics of our faces, I got unsolicited dick pics, with no clue at all this was happening as we hadn’t even flirted. I had one guy at a club sneak up behind me and commit frottage on my rear end.

These were annoying and shaming to me. But it doesn’t put me in the category of women who’ve been raped or physically assaulted.

But in the end I posted a “me too” and clarified what happened to me. The reality that so many men think they can do stuff like what has been done to me is part of rape culture, which leads to the crimes of powerful men like Clinton, Trump, Allan, Cosby, Polanski, and Weinstein who think they are entitled to behave that way and get away with it. It leads to those who benefit from the power of those men defending them or at least dismissing what they did.


#3

All of this, and more. Men need to stop being cowards in the face of the casual misogyny they witness, and speak up when it pops up: “That sounds hateful toward women. Knock it off.”


#4

I am sorry for what happened to you - I can understand why you say it is different in level but of course it still has to stop. My wife faced harassment in the entertainment industry here in the US and assault on the French subway. Luckily I have never been put on the spot at work to check anyone’s behavior - everyone is very professional. Once in my personal life I had to tell someone to cool it with derogatory language but I’ve never witnessed the type of problems you and many women have to endure. I’m a bit nervous in how to discuss this topic with my son as he gets older (now 8), but I suspect most of the jerks in this world weren’t taught the right things at the right time so I know my responsibilities.

Great video - I’ll probably use it in the future.


#5

Tell him to always respect women. Tell him “No means No.” Tell him a real man has power within himself and doesn’t need to feel that way by exerting power over women. Tell him non-verbal no is still no.


#6

You were physically assaulted. That’s the whole point of the campaign, that there is no “just a little” offensive. That you weren’t upended by it is a testament to your strength, not that the offense was less, or that it matters less, or that it matters less because nobody would notice the perpetrators’ names. We all must make it clear that our bodies are our own, and no one — no. one. ever — has the right to use it but us.


#7

In addition to what @LibWingofLibWing said, show him. And even now, when a case like Weinstein hits the media, tell him how wrong it is to treat women in any demeaning way.

My Mother used to say, “If you wouldn’t be comfortable telling me what you did, don’t do it.”


#8

Heine gang is murdering/replacing everyone in secret - men, women, straight, gay, single, couples, children, old people, A’s, B’s, C’s…it’s a raw criminal gang and most people don’t talk because they don’t want to be first/next to go. The US Congress, the police, courts…same deal. Individuals don’t realize how common it is or that real civilization is ending.


#9

Care to explain what you’re talking about?


#10

Back in the 70s, I had a boss at the DoD who constantly sexually verbally harassed me. I always told him to bug off, but that did not stop him, though it made me very angry. One day he upped the ante by asking me to go to a motel with him after work. I’d thought of ways to handle his constant harassment, and had an answer ready. I asked him for his home phone number. He was somewhat suspicious and asked why I wanted it. I told him I wanted to call his wife and get together with her for a threesome. I saw him gulp and he told me to get back to my office. He never bothered me again.


#11

Add to the list – time to stop the sexist traditions of “Cheerleaders” and Pom Pom/Dance-line girls, at football games etc. What message does that send? I have nothing against dancing but imagine including guys, similarly un-dressed.


#12

Of course, there’s a long tradition of a few men in the cheer squads of colleges. But I agree, it’s mostly objectification in service to the idolatry of masculinity.


#13

Bravo! Well spoken, Sonali!

Most of us men have some soul-searching to do. Many need to radically revisit their notions of “masculinity” as they see it.


#14

Even little gestures help mark your sincerity, like saying “BravA” to a woman.


#15

Use of the term mansplaining undermines the credibility of the entire story.


#16

Speak for yourself.


#18

Ms Kolhatkar has been nothing but stellar on most the shows I have watched.
But this is prescriptively shallow, ideologically capitalistic garbage.

Sorry.


#19

It’s a very long explanation. Most of the people that can see what I write and ask me questions about it, already know parts of the answers. I’m talking about organized crime running controlling NATO countries. The crime takes many forms. The most important form is an icy cloak/dagger murder - the original person is gone, and an imposter who looks almost exactly like them has now their place. The imposter has the support of CIA/FBI/MI6/NSA the police etc. If an individual does notice that something terrible has taken place and went to the police, this person will be described as a trouble-making lunatic and likely suffer negative consequences, including covert attacks. I believe that most of the high officials in the US govt. are imposters in this sense, and they are often replaced after taking office, if their policies/actions are not favorable to the criminal gang. The origins of this gang go back many centuries, to at least the early Middle Ages. They call themselves “the Heine” or “the Heine error”. The leaders are closeted male homosexuals, who prefer gay rape and murder of a non-consenting outsider as their higher form of personal satisfaction “I’m the man. You are the dead ass” is the way they think. THey are psychopathic predators. The process of replacing people generates tremendous profits as well, because the life savings, property, and businesses of the original go over to the criminal gang.


#20

I am. But by using idiotic terms like mansplaining you’re using the grossest form of hypocritical generalization conceivable.